Coincidences

Wow, April has been quite the month. A lot has happened, as usual. I won't bore you with the details here (although most of it was pretty exciting), but instead I want to write about something that I have been thinking about lately. Does everything happen for a reason? Is there such a thing as a coincidence?

That second question especially has been something I've spent a lot of time thinking about over the past several months, as there seemed to be some pretty big things in my life that I couldn't explain, things that for all practical purposes should have had a very logical reason for happening. My confidence that there are no such things as coincidences was starting to diminish as I simply could not understand some of these things.

But then a bunch of things happened, and all of the random pieces of my life started to fit together to create an amazing puzzle, perfectly created by God, in ways that I certainly couldn't see coming. God said 'trust me' and I did, and I was blown away. Maybe I'm putting some pieces together in a search for a way to make sense of everything, but it's pretty crazy how things fit together, coincidence or not.

A lot of this has to do with my future. This all started (or continued, maybe) after a conversation I had where I realized that I have no idea what I'll be doing after EMU. I have the next four years of my life planned out - go to EMU for nursing - but after that...nothing. I have ideas and guesses, but I don't feel a specific calling for anything, nothing like I felt for YES or staff. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't have my future all figured out now - in fact, the thing most clarified in all of this was that for right now, I'm not supposed to know what my future will hold. Not exactly what I wanted to find out, but at the same time, it gives me a peace in knowing that it's okay to not know, and that I will find out when the time is right.

Sometimes I think I'm ridiculous for trying to find meaning in everything. But then I think about Who is putting all of these details together, and what He has shown me thus far. And I can honestly say that no, I don't believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. I won't always understand, but that's okay. The Person that needs to know the reason for everything already does. Thank goodness!

20

Another year has gone by, and I'm no longer 19, or a teenager for that matter. I'm 20 now. Not that 20 feels any different than 19... Sometimes I feel a lot older considering where I am in my life and what I've had the opportunity to do, and sometimes I feel quite young (mostly because I'm the youngest person on staff, and just knowing that somehow makes me feel so much younger).

The beginning of my 19th year, I was in Spain, entering our last month of outreach there. During that month, I pondered the decision of joining staff at HDC, and a month later, accepted the Office Assistant position. I spent 2 months at home, and then have spent the rest of my 19th year at HDC. It's been great, and I'm at a place now that I never imagined I would be. I learned a lot about myself, especially through other people. Interestingly enough, when I turned 19 I wasn't really even talking to the person from whom I've learned the most - apparently, sometimes I learn more through the silence, and from the conversations that have come after that silence. I've also learned a ton from my fellow staffers. It's crazy to think how well I know them now, and how they know me. I love it.

It really has been a great year. I'm looking forward to the next year too. I'm now officially accepted at EMU for the fall semester of 2010! I'm really excited to be going there, for the first time - considering that this is the third year in a row that I was thinking about starting to go there. Guess that means that I'm really supposed to be there this time - I honestly believe that. It's exciting.

I'm looking forward to several trips this month, and I'm sure I'll write about them...if I have time. April is going to fly by, and then the teams start to re-enter, and then it's K-teams all summer long... and then it's August, which is the end of my term at HDC. Before I know it, I'll be starting at EMU!

Impacted by Service

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. I've been thinking about several things recently, so here is one of those things...

I've been thinking a lot about my future. I am planning on going to EMU this fall to major in nursing and minor in Spanish. Both of those are things that I think I'll enjoy, but I don't really know for sure, and won't know until I get there. A lifelong goal or dream of mine has been to find a job that doesn't feel like work, where I look forward to going to my job every day. I don't know how attainable that goal is, and I don't know if nursing will be that thing.

This was on my mind while we were at the Olympics, and even as we were doing our ministry. The majority of our time was spent handing out cups of hot chocolate or coffee to people. Between the rushes of people, there was plenty of time to think. If the opportunity arose, we could start conversations with the people, in the hopes that we could lead the conversation to their faith to see what they believed, and if possible, to share our beliefs with them. We also had materials to hand out. I am not big on starting conversations with people that I don't know, so that was hard for me. Whether it was because of that or because the talkative people tended to head towards others in my group, I became frustrated that I wasn't having any awesome conversations with people. I handed out some materials, but those people weren't interested in hanging around to talk.

I realized something as our week was wrapping up and we were given some time to reflect on how the week went - I finally found that thing that I love to do: serving people. The week consisted of handing out warm beverages, which not only kept your hands warm on a cold day and was something to do while waiting in line for public transportation, but it made some people's day. I loved serving people with a smile, and watching them react to this act (not only was it free, but it was also from a jetpack, which people really seemed to like).

Service is certainly not a full-time job, and unfortunately I can't spend all my time serving because of how America is today - I need to get a job and earn money. But I guess you could call it a passion of mine. I'm not sure where that will take me, or how I will use that throughout my life, but I will continue to look for opportunities.

It's funny - I was supposed to be making an impact on people that week, but I left having been impacted personally much more than I expected.

Winter Olympics 2010

Our adventure began early Friday morning, on February 12. Jess, Rachel, Dorrin and I began our trip to the Olympics! We drove to Baltimore, flew to Chicago and then on to Seattle, and then took a bus to Vancouver. After 24 hours of travel and a 3 hour time change, we finally arrived in Vancouver at midnight.


We went through MBMSI's (Mennonite Brethren Mission and Service International) SOAR program. Saturday and Sunday were orientation and training days. We learned about the city in general, and about More Than Gold, which was the organization that partnered with the Salvation Army to plan our outreaches. Jess, Dorrin, Rachel and I were paired up with Scott and Hannaly from California, and the six of us made up Team USA.


Monday through Friday were our outreach days. Our outreaches consisted of traveling, usually by public transportation, to a certain transit station. One or two teams were at each station. Once there, we were met by Salvation Army people, who helped us to get hot chocolate and coffee ready. The rest of the day was spent handing out that hot chocolate and coffee, often from a "jet pack" - a backpack that dispensed hot chocolate. If time allowed and opportunities arose, we would start conversations with the people. We tried to direct those conversations toward faith and God, although that didn't always happen. More Than Gold gave us a lot of materials which we could hand out as well. We were stationed near where Olympic events were being held, so right after an event was let out, there would be crowds and crowds of people. Those times were the most fun. Another good way to start a conversation was to pin trade. We were given some More Than Gold pins, which we would give away. Those combined with the free pins handed out by stores allowed us to start trading with others. It's crazy how into it some people were - some had literally hundreds and hundreds of pins, and made a lot of money in trading and then selling the more expensive ones.


Although we didn't get a chance to see an events, we did get a chance to walk around downtown Vancouver, amidst huge crowds of people, and to see some cool things, including the Olympic Torch. Souvenirs were ridiculously expensive, but we all bought a few.


Another highlight from the week was getting to hang out with TREK people. TREK is MBMSI's version of YES, so there were four teams, all of which are leaving this week sometime for their outreaches in Asia, Lithuania, the Philippines, and Thailand. We had the opportunity to visit the Mark Center, our equivalent of HDC, on Saturday night. It was cool to learn about a similar program and see a similar training center, and just to hang out with the TREKers.


It always amazes me how much a mission trip tends to impact me more than those that I am there to serve. I learned a lot. Between the trip, the Perspectives class I'm taking, and some other things that have been happening recently, life is awesome right now. God is good!

Off to the Olympics

I haven't had very much time to think about the fact that we're leaving for a mission trip tomorrow - I've been very busy with other stuff, including my class. Yesterday I read an interesting and very good article for that class, "Apostolic Passion" by Floyd McClung. Here are some of the good points I got out of the article:

If you'll allow me to plagiarise, here is my definition: An apostle is a sent one, a messenger. Passion is whatever a person is willing to suffer for, something you hunger for so intensely that you will sacrifice anything to have it. When these two words combine, apostolic passion is a deliberate, intentional choice to live for the worship of Jesus in the nations. A person with apostolic passion is willing to suffer, so long as God is glorified through the suffering. The focus provided by that passion must solely be on God. If you have apostolic passion, the Father's passions have become your passions. You find your satisfaction and guarantee in Him. You believe He is with you always, to the end of life itself.

Another thought: "We live in a world of competing passions. If we do not die to self and fill our lives with the consuming passion of the worship of God in the nations, we will end up with other passions."

And another: "May I encourage you, dear friend, to give up your life? I challenge you to pray this prayer: 'Lord, be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself.' I guarantee that He will answer your prayer--and quickly."

Last one: "If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are no longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgram, unattached to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare believe you may be given the privilege of dying to spread His fame on the earth. The Father's passions have become your passions. You find your satisfaction and significance in Him. You believe He is with you always, until the end of life itself. You are sold out to God, and you live for the Lamb. Satan fears you, and the angels applaud you. Your greatest dream is that His name will be praised in languages never before heard in heaven. Your reward is the look of pure delight you anticipate seeing in His eyes when you lay at His feet the just reward of His suffering: the worship of the redeemed. You have apostolic passion!"

Hmm...interesting things to be reading right before I go on a mission trip...

We won't know exactly what our ministry will be until we get there, but it sounds like we'll have a packed schedule. I'll share all about it when I get back!

Learning about myself

This year has been and will continue to be a great experience as I continue to discover who I really am. The things I'm learning about myself are interesting, and range from my strengths to love languages to personality to my quirks. As I discover these things, it helps me not only to understand who I really am, but also why I am the way I am - because I have this trait or this strength, I respond this way. Honestly, some things are not so fun to discover. I've discovered what it is that others do that really hurts me. And as I discover how different I am from other people, with this comes the realization that the things that hurt me are things that they wouldn't even think twice about. Because of this, I don't feel like I can approach people with that kind of thing - mostly because of my avoid-conflict-at-all-cost personality, but also because I realize that I probably hurt people too, and I don't even realize it.

It's also been a lot of fun, especially learning about my strengths. If you ever have the chance to take the Strengthfinder test - do it. My strengths are: Includer, Positivity, Developer, Input, and Empathy. We had someone come in to talk to us about our strengths, and she summarized each of them for us. For me, she said that I'm a people person; I make an effort to include everyone, can sense the feelings of others, and cultivate the potential in others; I have an enthusiasm which is contagious; I collect and archive types of information and crave to know more. I took this test about 5 months ago and when I first got my results, I didn't necessarily agree that these were my top 5, and didn't even see all of them in myself. But since then, I not only have discovered how true that test really was as I begin to see each strength coming up more and more, but those living with me have also seen them in me, which has been really cool.

It's crazy how God makes all of us so unique and so different from others (although I personally wonder how similar I am to my twin sister and how many personality traits of ours are the same...). While this can certainly add drama and conflict, it prevents boring and uninteresting relationships with everyone person with whom we come into contact.

There's no better way to really understand yourself than to live in community - it gives you the option to learn about yourself right along with those you're living with. I really love living in community. Granted, the only people that live here at HDC year-round are my fellow volunteer staff members (and even this is subject to change, and has, with the addition of Dorrin and Rachel, and the subtraction of Ben). But there is something in the relative stability of living with the same people all the time. It's different than living with family, because there is an understanding between family members of how each person works and functions, and a response to most situations is instinctively known before a person reacts. However, in a community, that hunch of a person's reaction is a learned thing. Having lived with Margaret and Jess the longest, I can interpret a look from either of them without the need for anything to be said, and I know how they will respond to things, and there is simply an understanding between us. Granted, it is a continual learning process for all five of us as we're very different, but we are all willing to work at resolving those differences. The longer we live together, the more I appreciate this in the others, and the more I appreciate each indivdual more as well as I get to really know them.

I have been challenged recently to serve the people I live with, at every opportunity. When they ask me to do a favor, chances are that I honestly don't really want to do what they're asking. For example, the other day Dorrin asked me to help him clean out a van that we're selling. Did I really want to go out in freezing temperatures and vacuum out a van that I knew for a fact was very dirty? Of course not. But I agreed to help him. And it wasn't all that bad - there's something that comes with teamwork, which there tends to be a lot of around here. Good thing I like living in community and teamwork - cause that's what happens here.

HDC Staff Retreat - getting lost and getting stuck...

Life at HDC is always crazy, so I've learned to expect the unexpected. This past weekend was our staff retreat, and I must admit that I was expecting an uneventful, relaxing weekend. We certainly had some relaxing times, but there were some exciting adventures which I wasn't expecting.

First of all, it took us longer than it should have to get there. Jan, Jess, Dorrin, Margaret, Ben (who came back for this) and I all drove up together, and Andy and Cheryl had gone up earlier to start heating up the cabin. Our directions were interesting, and not quite accurate. We lost cell phone reception at times, winding in, around, and over mountains, but managed to get ahold of Andy and tell him that we weren't quite sure where we were. He tried to call us back later, which involved him trying all six of our cell phones until he finally found somebody's phone that got reception. He gave us more accurate directions and/or we figured it out ourselves, and we got there eventually.

Over the course of the weekend, we took turns cooking meals, watched some movies and TV shows, talked, and took turns playing Andy and Cheryl's Wii. Five of the eight of us are taking the Perspectives class, so we worked on that some too. Chris came up for a few hours on Saturday, and we spent some time sharing and discussing our dreams.

Saturday afternoon, Jan, Ben, Jess and I decided to go hiking at the nearby Trough Creek State Park. We saw some huge icicles, an ice mine, a suspension bridge, and a waterfall throughout the hike. We took several different paths, and guess that we went about four miles overall. The last section of our hike was on a trail marked difficult. At one point, we got off the trail we were following and ended up hiking up another trail, which had a steep ascent, to the ridge. It provided an excellent view of part of Raystown Lake, but wasn't where we were supposed to be. We were never lost, as we could have easily retraced our steps. Instead, we took the more adventuresome and fun option, and we bushwacked our way back down the ridge and found the trail and where we needed to go. We decided that the park should not only repaint the blazes that mark the trail, but that at some points they need to re-blaze the trail, as we were often climbing over logs and guessing where the next blaze was. We got back to the car right around dark, and overall, it was a lot of fun.

The weekend went well, but the most eventful part happened as we were getting ready to leave. It had rained all morning. Snow would have been much better and more fun to drive through, but we were glad for the rain due to the steep driveway, which would not have been fun to drive down. This, however, soon became the least of our worries as we attempted to leave. We had packed the car and all climbed in, and Jess started driving - only to realize that if we continued straight, we would be going over a two to three foot bank which separted the space in front of the garage from the rest of the driveway. We tried to back up, but our back tires just spun on the slippery snow and ice. After getting out of the car, we realized that if we went forward, our front right tire would go over the bank, and the car would bottom out, leaving the front right tire hanging over the bank. Pushing the van backwards was out of the question because we were on a hill. Luckily, Andy and Cheryl had not left yet, and Andy began figuring out what to do. The cabin was recently built, so there were some extra beams and boards and rocks around the cabin. We used the beams as levers to lift the back end of the van, so that we could put boards underneath the back right tire to serve as a ramp. We put another ramp under the front right tire. Using team work, all eight of us worked to build multiple ramps, provide leverage, push, direct, and drive - talk about teamwork! It took us around an hour to finally get all four wheels of the van back on solid ground, and there was an audible sigh of relief when it finally happened. To top it off, the tire leaked a little bit during this process. We drove slowly with our hazard lights on, attemping to find a gas station or an open service station (impossible, due to the fact that it was Sunday), or a farm that would have an air compressor. We finally found someone at home, who gave us enough to get to the nearest gas station ten miles away, although he called us 'tourists' and was not overally excited to be helping us.

Inbetween helping Andy and following his directions, we got a few pictures. The pictures above (as well as my attempted description) don't really show how truly crazy the situation was...

Despite getting lost (to some extent) twice and getting stuck, it was still a really fun weekend, and we certainly made some pretty unforgettable memories!

Crazy Start to the New Year

Life has been quite busy and crazy since returning to HDC after our Christmas break. We spent a lot of time last week catching up on work after being gone for two weeks.

Last Thursday night and Friday, Jess, Margaret and I went to Jess's house to help her family butcher a beef and a pig. In return, we would be taking back to HDC a quarter of a beef. The best part of the experience was Friday morning, when we went along with Jess's dad to the butcher shop. It was very picturesque - an old butcher shop on a farm, quite cold, although a large wood stove at one end attempted to provide adequate heat. It was flurrying and blowing almost the whole time. Soon after we got there, we saw a half dozen deer run through a nearby field. Walking in the door, the smell of raw meat was almost overpowering, although we quickly became used to it. Later, the shop smelled of lard and cracklings (which we did too, by the time we left). We trimmed the meat all morning, which in itself was quite the experience. In the afternoon, we ground the hamburger and made sausage. We got to try some of the fresh sausage cooked on the wood stove, as well as some of the cracklings. We went back to Jess's house and started the packaging process, and were treated to a supper of freshly made hamburgers.

After that adventure, we rushed home and jumped in the shower to scrub off the overpowering scent of the butcher shop, and then greeted two friends from EMU and one of their girlfriends who had come to visit. We had been through training last fall with the guys, and as always happens, we spent plenty of time reminiscing about our times together at HDC, but also took the time to catch up on what had happened since we parted ways. We sat in a room by the fire for several hours, drinking Nepali tea, and went to bed late, happy, full, and for some of us, wide awake from the caffeine overload.

The next morning, we welcomed even more visitors, and by the end of the morning had almost 15 people from our training. Everyone wanted to know what the others had been up too, and again, we shared so many priceless memories from HDC. We have gone our separate ways (mostly), but once we get together, it's so easy to talk to each other. Our time together during training gave us a special bond that cannot be easily forgotten - it's awesome.

Sunday night, seven GO! participants came for a few days of training. Two girls are going to the Czech Republic, and five others will be going to Peru. I was especially excited for those five because they will be going exactly where I went with my family for a month in 2002. It was nice to have people in the house again, and it was great to see their enthusiasm as they're getting ready to go.

This coming Sunday, HDC will be getting a new staff member, Rachel. She will be joining as Cook and Kitchen Coordinator, which means that my days as Kitchen Coordinator are drawing to a close, and I will now only serve the role of Office Assistant. Rachel will be sharing a room with Margaret and me. Our current room definitely did not have room for another person, so Margaret and I spent a lot of time this week cleaning our new room and moving our stuff in. It's a much bigger room with another smaller back room attached (which we have jokingly been calling our walk-in closet).

I was particulary grateful for the sunshine and heat today - HDC is usually cold due to the fact that it's a large house and hard (and very expensive) to heat. However, the cold was taken to a new level this morning, as the heat recently stopped working. Repairmen came to fix it, after it got down to a crisp temperature of 44 degrees - inside. Don't wory, it's working again, thankfully.

So many different and random things happen throughout my week - I love the variety and craziness of it all.

Another year gone...but so much further ahead

2010. I am in such a different place this year than I ever thought I would be. I turn 20 this year. I am currently volunteering, have not gone to college, but have had a chance to see a little bit more of the world and have learned so much more about many other parts of the world. It's been good, and I know it's only going to get better. I can't wait to see what this year will bring!


So far, I have some very exciting plans. I will be on staff at HDC for 7.5 more months, until halfway through August. I'll have 2 weeks at home, and then I'll be starting at EMU. One of the highlights for my time at HDC will be our staff mission trip. The volunteer staff (Jess, Margaret, Dorrin, and I) will be going to part of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, February 13-21. We probably won't be attending any of the actual events (although we haven't ruled out the possibility), but will be serving, helping, and evangelizing around Vancouver. We've only really started to plan things this week and we still have a lot do do, but it will be here before we know it. We're excited!


Reflecting back on 2009, it has been quite the year. I was in Spain for the first few months, and finished the YES program in May. This experience in itself was life-changing. I've been reading my journals from that time, and it's hard to believe the things that I did, what happened to us, and what I learned. After that I had about 2 months at home, and then came on staff in the beginning of August. Time has flown by - life was very crazy and chaotic before and during training (until Thanksgiving), with hardly any time to relax. I went home a few times. I also visited my sister and YES friends at EMU a few times. I enjoyed those visits and am looking forward to next year (as much as you can look forward to going back to school). I've stayed in contact with less people than I expected, but it's great to see how with some people, it's like we've never been apart. I've learned a lot about myself through living with people besides my family, who don't automatically know or understand how I will react, respond, or function in certain situations. Us staff have been intentional about learning how we work together as a team, and I now know my strengths and better understand my personality. Essentially, I've really learned who I am.


I never imagined I would be where I am today, that I would have experienced, learned, or seen the things that I did. To be perfectly honest, it is really hard sometimes to know that I'm not at the same place as most of my friends. The majority of my friends are in college, and most people my age will be halfway done with their education before I even begin. I saw a lot of friends over Christmas break, and somehow each conversation involved at least one discussion centered around some aspect of college. I could do nothing but sit and listen, and say no more than the fact that I will be starting college this fall. This was harder than I thougth it would be - there is an unspoken connection when two people share a common experience, giving a sense of familiarity and even happiness to know that someone is going through the exact same thing that you are and simply understands. I can feel when that connection is not there. In the same way, however, I can now truly understand more about other parts, people, and cultures of the world because I've experienced them myself, and I can now more easily appreciate stories I hear from other missionaries and workers, because I've had that experience of living and traveling overseas.


When I do go to college, most of my classmates will be right out of high school. The age level doesn't matter to me, but I think I'll feel more of a difference in maturity levels. Not only will I have lived away from home for almost 2 whole years, but I've seen more of the world and understand it, and even lived in another country for an extended period of time. I am now in a leadership position, sometimes above college graduates, and I have a full-time job, even if it is volunteer. I have learned so much more than I would have had I gone straight into college after high school.


Looking into the new year, I feel, for the first time, that I cannot make any New Years resolutions. I realized that I've changed my outlook on life to the point where I am constantly coming up with resolutions or goals on a weekly or even daily basis, and that I don't want to limit myself to only making resolutions on one day of the year. Instead, I'm allowing room for constant growth and change, and working towards goals. The typical feelings of guilt and failure associated with breaking New Years resolutions won't be there, because I'm not making any resolutions. By setting goals (instead of resolutions) throughout the entire year, I'm choosing to live my life in a more optimistic and positive way - because I've discovered that those traits are a strong part of my personality, to stay as optimistic and positive as possible, and to stay away from negative things (failing to keep resolutions).

This coming year will have it's challenges. I can't necessary foresee right now what those things will be, but I know that life happens. But I have a feeling that it's going to be awesome, if there is any indication of how the start has already been better than I could have imagined. That's the way my life has been ever since I gave God control - it's not always easy, but it's better in the end. I can't wait to see what this year will bring!